What is the difference between consent and abandonment in adoption?

Consent is a parent signing an agreement to the adoption. Abandonment is the legal ground a court uses to approve the adoption when that parent hasn't signed, usually because he stopped contact or support for the period the state sets. Both lead to the same place: a finalized adoption. In our experience, about 80% of the stepparent adoptions we've completed went forward without the other biological parent's consent.

The consent route

The parent signs the consent form for your state, with the witnessing or notarization it requires. Check who signs, where, and in front of whom. A text saying "go ahead" isn't a consent; the signed form is.

Read the form before signing and see whether it includes a waiver of notice and what the withdrawal rules are. Florida section 63.082 is a good example of a state that sets specific rules on when and how a consent is signed and when it can be revoked.

The abandonment route

You show the court that the other parent's lack of contact or support lasted for your state's period. Rhode Island section 15-7-7 treats six months without contact as prima facie evidence of abandonment. Pennsylvania section 2511 uses a six-month period of failing to perform parental duties, among other grounds. Your petition names the ground; the judge confirms it at the hearing.

Write the history down

Make a dated list of visits, calls, messages, payments and the long stretches with nothing. Note any court orders that limited contact. Token contact (an occasional call or card) generally doesn't amount to keeping up a parental relationship, but list it anyway so your timeline is complete and credible.

When you complete the questionnaire

• Describe what actually happened, with dates.
• Say whether the parent agreed to sign, refused, or can't be found.
• If you're unsure who the legal father is, say so; that's a parentage question, handled separately.
• List any custody or protective orders.
• Ask us if a choice doesn't fit your facts.

Some families use other routes, such as a parent who never established paternity or a parent who has died. If the other parent is actively contesting, that's the time to talk with a local attorney.

Continue with parental consent, missing-parent searches, or consent forms.