In this answer · 2 sections
This is rare, but it happens — and it's important to handle with care.
In Virginia, children age 14 and older must consent to the adoption (Va. Code § 63.2-1202). If your stepchild is 14+ and doesn't want to be adopted, the court will not force it.
Common reasons a child might hesitate:
- Loyalty to the biological parent (they feel adopting "replaces" them)
- Fear of change
- Not fully understanding what adoption means
- Teenage resistance to adult decisions in general
What we suggest:
- Have an age-appropriate conversation about what adoption means and doesn't mean
- Reassure them it doesn't erase their biological parent from their life
- Explain the legal benefits (inheritance, medical decisions, etc.)
- Give them time — there's no rush
- Consider family counseling if the hesitation is deep
If the child is under 14: Their consent is not legally required in Virginia, though it's still good to involve them in age-appropriate ways.
Many children who initially hesitate eventually come around. And adult adoption (18+) is always available later.
Stepparent adoption in Virginia at a glance
- Court
- Circuit Court
- Residency before filing
- No minimum period
- Typical timeline
- 3-6 months
- Court filing fee
- $150-$300
- Child must consent at age
- 14
- Home study
- Usually waived for stepparents
- Virginia families we've helped
- 1,181
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