My teenager doesn't want to be adopted — can I still adopt them in New Jersey?

If your teenager is 10 or older, their consent IS required in New Jersey (N.J.S.A. § 9:3-47). The court will not force an adoption on a child who does not consent.

Understanding why teenagers resist:

• Loyalty conflict — they may feel adopting "erases" or betrays the biological parent
• Fear of change — even positive change can feel threatening to teens
• Identity — they may feel their name and parentage are part of who they are
• General teenage resistance — opposing adult decisions is developmentally normal
• Grief — they may still be processing the loss of the biological parent relationship

What families can do:

1. Have an open conversation — explain what adoption means and what it doesn't mean (it doesn't erase the biological parent from their life or memory)

2. Explain the practical benefits — inheritance, medical decisions, insurance, college (FAFSA)

3. Give them time — there is no deadline. The option remains available

4. Consider family counseling — a therapist can help navigate the emotional complexity

5. Wait for adulthood — adult adoption (18+) requires only their consent, no biological parent involvement, and is often easier emotionally

If your child is under 10: Their consent is not legally required in New Jersey, but we always recommend age-appropriate involvement.

Adult adoption timeline in New Jersey: 4-8 weeks | Cost: $349