My teenager doesn't want to be adopted — can I still adopt them in New Jersey?

Yes, your teenager's consent is not required to adopt them in New Jersey, but their feelings still matter. New Jersey does not require the child's consent. A child 10 or older attends the final hearing in Superior Court, and the court considers the child's wishes (N.J.S.A. § 9:3-49).

What that means for you:

• Your teen's opinion will be heard. They will be in the courtroom, and the judge will take their wishes into account.
• How much weight the court gives a strongly stated objection depends on the facts of your family. If your teen is firmly opposed, talk to an attorney or the Superior Court clerk in your county about your situation before you file.
• A stepparent adoption in New Jersey typically takes 3-6 months, so there is time to work on the conversation with your teen while the case moves forward.

Why teens push back:

• Loyalty: They may feel adoption betrays, or "erases," their other parent.
• Identity: Their name and family history are part of who they are.
• Grief: They may still be coming to terms with the loss of a parent relationship.
• Change: Even good change can feel threatening, and disagreeing with adults is a normal part of the teen years.

What families can do:

• Talk openly. Explain what adoption does and does not mean. It does not erase anyone from your teen's memory or story.
• Listen first. Ask what worries them before you explain the benefits. Their concerns may be about a name, a relationship, or loyalty rather than about you.
• Offer choices where you can. New Jersey allows a name change as part of the adoption at no additional court cost, so your teen can have a say in that.
• Explain the practical side. Adoption brings inheritance rights, among other benefits.
• Consider family counseling. A therapist can help everyone work through the emotions.

Another path: waiting until adulthood. Once your teen is 18, adult adoption is an option. In New Jersey it falls under a separate set of statutes from child adoption. The adoptee must request the adoption in a signed writing acknowledged the way a deed is, though the court may waive this. A married adopter needs their spouse's consent, or the spouses adopt together. The adopter must also be 10 years older than the adoptee, which the court can waive if it serves the adoptee's best interests. The statute does not mention consent of the birth parents, so confirm that point with an attorney or the Superior Court clerk. Adult adoption timelines run about 4-8 weeks.

How we help. StepParent Adoption 360 is a document preparation service, not a law firm. You answer questions online, and we prepare the complete court document package for your county. You then file it yourself, without an attorney. Court-ready documents arrive within 24-48 hours after you finish the questions. The price is $349 for the first child (or one adult adoptee) and $99 for each additional child, backed by our 100% court acceptance guarantee. We have helped 1204 New Jersey families.